i need to be asleep.
actually, no. i NEED to be doing chemistry and studying. whatever though.
so all day i thought of how yanno, sucky everything was and thought of all these things i wanted write about and just spill all my guts and complain and blah blah to this little bloggie here and then i made myself yanno, go to church - yes people who thought i had done like gone atheist, I WENT TO CHURCH, hahah. and it was good. it made me miss being in mime. and singing for church. but it’s all good. i got to see my long lost best friend and his little daughter and that of course just made my day, and when he told me that he missed me, like i really knew he meant it. then i came home only to some good american idol and 2 messages from people saying that they missed me. one of which i felt just definitely didn’t and didn’t want to hear me go on and complain anymore, and then one who i felt had done found herself a new group of best friends. and i just got to see people give their lives to the lord and little kids that got prayed for cause they have a desire to be close to him and it was just good. life is good today. lol. oh, not to mention that the little kiddies at church were happy to see me and missed me as well AND two other friends texted me and told me that they missed me. and i sat all alone at church and as soon as this one boy saw i was sitting alone he came back and sat with me and it was mega nice. oh, and i had a good make-up day too. lol.
Do you know what happens when you hurt people? When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.
worrying is a waste of time. it doesn’t change anything. it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.
& now every time i look at you, i just think about how you’re not looking at me the same way that i’m looking at you. and then i wonder if you ever did. and if you did, then how long ago did you stop. then i wonder if all the times you’re not talking to me, you were talking to her. then i wonder if every time you’re not with me, if you’re with her. and then i wonder if you’re sitting there thinking about her. and then i wonder if you wish it was her there with you instead of me. and then i wonder just what it is about her. and then i wonder what made your feelings change. and then i wonder if it will ever be the same. and then i wonder…. and then i wonder…. and then i wonder some more.
What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.
I hate the fact that my heart doesn’t grow
And I hate the smell of cigarette smoke
And I hate old movies unless they make me cry
I hate the jerk you turned out to be
And I hate the sand that holds back the sea
And I hate the fact that you don’t love me for me
(I Hate Too Much - Bradley Vaughn)
At the end of the day, when it all comes down to it
All we really want is to be close to somebody
So this thing, where we all keep our distance
And pretend not to care about each other
Is usually a load of bull
So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to
And once we’ve chosen those people
We tend to stick close by
No matter how much we hurt them
The people that are still with you at the end of the day
Those are the ones worth keeping
And sure, sometimes close can be too close
But sometimes, that invasion of personal space
It can be exactly what you need
I ask myself why, and in that same breath, as I watch you, I get my answer. It’s everything about you; it’s that teasing smile, that warm scent. It’s the curve of your arms, the tousle of your hair, and the ring of your voice. It’s just everything about you. But more than that, it’s everything about me. It’s everything about the way you make me laugh, cry, smile and hurt. It’s everything about the way you make me feel.
Girls aren’t going to talk to you first. It’s a girl thing. We don’t like starting the conversation because we like to feel like you want to talk to us. We like to feel like the wait was worth something. We like feeling like you’ve waited for us like we’ve waited for you. But the number one reason we hate talking first is because we hate to seem needy or clingy. That’s why we’re scared. Cause to us, being needy and obsessive just pushes guys away. And no girl wants that.
You know what your problem is? You get attached, fast. And once you’re attached to someone, you do everything you can to please them and make them happy. It’s never been about what you want, it’s always everyone’s needs before your own. You give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of you, and you become a pushover. But you’re okay with that, because they’re in your life and that’s all you ever really wanted. And even if they screw you over, you’ll still be there for them. Because that’s you, that who you are. Once you get attached to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a place there. And that is why it’s so hard for you to let him go. - this.
A little jealousy in any kind of relationship is healthy;
it’s nice to know that someone is afraid to lose you.
so i’m pretty sure my life will get a little better on the 8th.
new season of my life as liz!
I’m sorry for not being perfect, for not being the one you wanted. I’m sorry I’m not pretty, or not tall enough. I’m sorry that I’m so screwed up, but I’m just an average teenage girl, stumbling through my imperfect world.
Girl Language: When I said sorry, believe me I feel it. When you see me starting to cry, hold me and tell me everything’s gonna be alright. When I ignore you, give me your attention. When I’m quiet, ask me what’s wrong. When I push or hit you, grab me and don’t let go. When I’m mad and I walked away from you, follow me. If I didn’t text you, it’s because I’m waiting for you to text me. When I say I love you, Don’t doubt. I mean it.
Be careful to whom you give your heart to because when you give your heart to someone, you’re not only giving that person the right to love you but also the power to hurt you.
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good if what is not won’t. Relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.
Don’t waste time lingering over all that you could have, should have and would have done. Don’t spend your days thinking of how much better you could do; don’t long for something that has been and always will be out of your reach. Just live the days as they come. Wake up every morning and smile at the wonderful day that awaits. And when opportunity comes knocking on your door, don’t ignore it. Don’t run away. Pull yourself together, and open the door. Let love in.
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
i wanna shout everything i feel about you. but i can’t, because it would only hurt me to see everyone listening, everyone except you.
God gave me 5 fingers for a reason. My pinky is for my best friends and our promises that will never be broken, my ring finger is for marriage and for proof that we’ll be together forever, my middle finger is for that person that pushes me too far and to show them how I feel, my pointer finger is to silence them, to savor the moment, my thumb is for everyone, to let them know that I’m gonna be okay. No matter what.
I hate that my stomach isn’t flat. I hate that I’m not confident, funny, or cute. I hate that I’m not as pretty as other girls. I hate that you’ll never look at me the way you look at her. But at least I can admit that I’m not perfect nor will I ever try to be. And that’s what I love about myself.
all those hidden emotions just came crashing down on me. You told me you wanted to just be friends and I immediately regretted ever giving you my heart. It’s funny how you can love someone, but no power in the world can make them love you back.
let’s hear it for all the over thinkers out there.
and it’s all so overrated,
not saying how you feel.
so you end up watching chances
fade and wondering what’s real.
Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re strong enough to wait for what you deserve.
There are some things we do because we convince ourselves it would be better for everyone involved. We tell ourselves that it’s the right thing to do, the alturistic thing to do. It’s easier then telling ourselves the truth.
— My Sister’s Keeper
On nights like this when the air is so clear, you end up saying things you ordinarily wouldn’t. Without even noticing what you’re doing, you open up your heart and just start talking to the person next to you—you talk as if you have no audience but the glittering stars, far overhead.
There’s so many things I have to say. I’d stay up all night, just to hear about your day.
Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.
There are those occasional nights when you break down and cry because everything’s changing and there’s nothing you can do.
You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain. Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.
I guess one reason why a person starts to take us for granted, is because we’re starting to give too much.
Few people know so clearly what they want. Most people can’t even think what to hope for when they throw a penny in a fountain
i bergot to go find more quotes. :O
conceited people. don’t flatter yourself, really. lol.
i always lose socks. like seriously, wtheck?
too bad i’m not sleepy. i’ve always wanted a hammock.
When you’re around someone so much, for so long, they become a part of you, and when they change or go away, you don’t know who you are without them.
with every fiber of my being…….. <3
so if you say you’re a quote site, it might help to actually put some quotes on there? js.
You walk down your packed high school hallways every day. You pass hundreds of people you have never talked to, ex best friends & boyfriends. You pass the people that hate you & most importantly love you to death. If you could just freeze everyone & finally slow down time to look around. Do you finally notice the kids that have never had an equal chance? What about the beautiful popular girls that get all the boys, are they truly happy or is it all an act? And then look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are becoming or has high school turned you into someone you promised you would never be? Take a good look at your reflection before you judge anyone else; be the person you want to do. Fuck what everyone else tells you, just be who you are.
immature, easily persuaded, think your so fucking cool but you’re really not?
Stop trying to understand how she feels. Chances are you’ll never understand how much she truly loves you. How everything she does is for you. How every night she lies in bed thinking of only you. Because, you’ll never understand, because you honestly don’t care.
It’s the worst feeling, telling someone “I love you more” and knowing that it’s probably true.
I love those kind of nights that turn out unexpectedly good, great, and sometimes just all out amazing just because you didn’t really expect anything to happen at all. If only we could live just like that — with no expectations in mind. It’s possible we’d be much happier, with more memorable moments that would last us a lifetime
Few people know so clearly what they want. Most people can’t even think what to hope for when they throw a penny in a fountain
so do you want to know why it bothers me so bad? really? maybe because even if it isn’t anything major, i still want to be worth it to you to give it up. call it stupid if you want but if you didn’t like me doing something that was harming to myself, i care for you enough to stop. i’m trying to help you, i guess you don’t get that. so i don’t care if other people do - that’s other people. i don’t care about them like i care about you. you’re better than that and you don’t need it and it sure as hell doesn’t make you look cool. seriously, think about it - you say you wouldn’t do anything else but if you could be persuaded so easily to do that, who’s to say you wouldn’t do something else? and then what if you liked it? then i wouldn’t want anything to do with you anymore, and i wouldn’t be worth it for you to stop. you’d rather have it than me. you can say i’m overthinking or whatever you want, but i know you - if you’re not willing to stand up for a SONG you like and you go along with what someone thinks about a song and won’t say you like it because you feel stupid (yes, i remember that. you probably don’t. just add to my “stalker” status since apparently i freak you out and scare you because you know i watch you while you sleep and have video cameras in you shower and shit. yeah, sue me for caring enough to actually pay attention and remember things?) anyways, if you can’t go against someone and say you like a song, you’d go along with whatever. don’t ruin yourself. it’s not worth it. but i am. i promise. i care about you more than anyone ever will. i put up with you and whether you want to admit it or not, that’s so hard to do. you know it. you know i never really get mad at you. well, i never show it. you know why? because then you get mad, and you turn it around and make it my fault and somehow i actually believe that it is and try to make things right because i fear that if i don’t, you won’t either. like if i don’t keep the conversation going, you won’t either. but it kills me and you don’t care. like right now, or any time really, you go with whoever, do whatever, and i bet you never once stop to wonder what i’m doing or if i’m feeling okay maybe? but the whole time i’m anywhere my hand is around my phone just waiting for you to text me because i would rather talk to you than ANYONE else that i could ever possibly be with. no matter where i am or who i’m with i’m always wondering about you. i think it’s impossible for you to care that much about someone. i don’t think that you really actually know what it is to truly have feelings for someone. like really want everything for them, want to get them things just because it will make them happy. want to tell them you love them just so they’ll smile. be with them all the time because even though you really can’t stand them sometimes and they get on your last nerve and you argue constantly, you love every minute of it cause you know you’re going to be fine in a few minutes. you just love being with them cause they’re fun. and they used to make you feel so important. i think you need to grow up a little bit. you need to learn to take some blame. you need to learn to stand up for what you believe and you need to learn to say how you feel. you need to tell people before it’s too late. think about other people’s feelings sometimes and not just whats best for you or what would be fun for you at the moment. seriously, people say if i just didn’t talk to you for just a little while you would miss me. i don’t see it. i know how you think. you’re so hard headed. if i didn’t talk to you, you would purposely not talk to me just to prove your point, even if you wanted to. see, you don’t have to worry. you have NO idea what it feels like to wonder because i assure you and assure you and assure you how i feel about you and how much that i love you and i’m always telling you where i’m at, what i’m doing, who i’m with, you KNOW that no one ever ever could take your place and you know that i have no feelings for anyone else and you use that to your advantage. you take advantage of it. and you know it. you’ve admitted it before. you can get mad at me and say what you want because you know i’ll get over it. i don’t have that security. you can’t say i love you more to me because you know it’s not true, not because you don’t play that game. you play it with another person but if i told you, you’d think i was even more of a stalker. you yourself said you checked all someone’s stuff. see, when you care, reallllly care, reallllly like someone, you do that. so you can say that you like me, but i don’t think that you really even know what it means to like someone. well, i just completely contradicted myself there. i guess you do know. i think you really liked that one person (i just realized that i have been typing all this and i just put in names, soo i need to go eliminate those. haha). and maybe you really liked another one, but i don’t really know considering that it doesn’t bother you that she’s uhm, moving on with her life. and i think that if you hung out with that first mentioned one any at all you would fall for her again, which is why i was scared. and i think that you have feelings for cousin as well. i really think that you do. you’re so jealous and the way you act with her is the way you acted with me in the beginning. i just think that you’re scared and you want to like someone who’s safe because you are exactly alike and sure that nothing is expected of you there. you said yourself that you like someone until they like you and then you find something wrong with them and get tired of them, that’s where you’re at with me. either quit lying to me and saying feelings are still there to keep me hanging on, or flat out tell me exactly how you feel and grow a pair and make something of it. not even a relationship. just quit acting like a dick to me. show me you like me. you used to, why can’t you anymore? cause you don’t or cause you’re scared and don’t want to? i can’t figure you out. i can’t figure out what i am to you or what i mean to you. i can’t figure out what that you say is sincere or what isn’t really. i’m just tired of letting everything you say and do hurt me and i’m tired of hearing everyone’s opinions when they don’t even know the half of it. i don’t even think you know the half of it. if you actually read some of these things and knew what that did to me. knew how it made me feel. knew how sick i got or just could have my thoughts for like a DAY, i swear. and i tell you stuff and you ignore it. i tell you how i feel. i tell you i miss you. i tell you EVERYTHING. and you ignore it. try really hard to put yourself in my shoes. how would you feel if you did that and i ignored it and said NOTHING. if you really like me like you say, how would you feel if you found out i liked one of your best friends? like, think about things from my perspective first. i keep repeating myself. gosh. and think about best friends. that alone, think about it - best friends don’t laugh when the other one is crying because of something. because they feel upset. they try to help. they offer sympathy or a hug, not ignore you. like best friends make the other one feel happy and beautiful and let them know how wonderful they are. you laugh. you never get my hints. you never offer compliments no matter how much i cut myself down. think about how you would feel if that were you. if i never told you anything good about you and agreed when you pointed out all the bad. girls are more sensitive. we take those things to heart. we think about them for days, weeks, months after. we have feelings, and mine are even more sensitive than most. maybe you don’t compliment me because you don’t want to build me up. mom says it’s because you don’t want to lead me on and make me think that you like me. yet you tell me you do. she says that when i get mad at you, i have no right to because you’re just being a friend to me, which is all that you are and i need to quit expecting more. my mom is usually right. “/ but, but osdfnb usbjnhr. no one understands. like, you have me pegged. everything about me. you are so cute and you make me so happy sometimes and you don’t even realize it. you just smile or make a face or a weird voice or sing or dance and it just brightens my day. you just hold my hand every once in a blue moon and it just keeps me hanging on because it’s like, i can’t forget how you used to tell me how much i meant to you and its like, in my mind if you felt like that at one time - and you’re around me all the time i don’t see how those feelings can go away. i know that they can, but still - i just don’t get it because for me they don’t. like, when i like someone, i like them with all that i am and i don’t just move on to someone else so easily. i feel pathetic and i said i would never write stuff on here. (maybe someone will think it’s just a really long quote) it’s cool. no one will read it anyways. too long. just like my messages to you which i know you don’t actually read. but see, if that were me i would read every word because i want to know everything that i can about you. i love it all. your flaws just everything. it’s easy for people to say to give up on the idea of anything more than this and its easy for them to say not to talk to you so much and stuff but they don’t feel like this. they don’t look at you like i do. they don’t want you to know everything about them cause maybe one little thing will make you realize that you really think i’m cute and love me and would be lost without me. i just wonder what it’d be like for you if you lost me. like completely. the thought of losing you scared me. you can see. i’ve talked to you every single day since then. i have to. it’s like, part of my routine. like breathing. my day would feel so wrong and incomplete if i didn’t talk to you. but i feel like to you it’s just an annoyance to have to put up with me everyday. i feel like you want to talk to me when you have nothing better to do but even then its just out of habit and you feel like you have to because your mom loves me and i’ve always been there for you. i feel like that because you make it seem miserable with your short as possible replies. its like you’re begging me to quit talking but i just keep going. and it doesn’t help that when i tell you you make me feel this way and i tell you i feel like you don’t care and everything else, you don’t reply. and it’s even more pathetic that i still don’t get the point. yes, you always message me in the morning to start a conversation for the day but it’s like, you just want to talk to me to say you’ve talked to me that day. i don’t know. i’m just not willing to mess it up. i swear, no one can tell me anything. i’m just as hard headed as you are and you are my best friend. like, it would be different if you weren’t. then so what if you got mad or something. but you are my best friend and my every thought and i tell you everything and go to you with everything even if you don’t care and you’re who i have fun with and hang out with and you’re my routine and my habit as well. lunch, school, just everything would be so empty without you, for me. but you have a billion other people. i feel like you wouldn’t miss me at all. you’d just replace me. i’m no different to you than anyone else but how can i give up on it when we just give each other these looks when we’re together and we just read each other and can put up with each other and can argue and fight and bite each other ad laugh and have to tell each other something two seconds later. and i mean, just think about it. look at what we have. we have so much in each other. you know that i know you and understand you and i’m not going to judge you and you know that i care for you and i always want whats best for you and deep down i know that you love me and i can tell you anything and i’m so comfortable with you and you make me laugh and you make me mad and push me but it’s like, i love and hate it that you can fix it with three words. and i love your family and i can read you on the simplest things and idk. i just feel like i need you. and i love your scars. you’re so brave to me because of that. i just don’t think anyone else looks at it like i do. the situation i mean. i mean, besides the obvious people. i just admire you and you never complain and you’re just so selfish and you’re such a drama queen half of the time and such a boy the rest of it and you’re just weird but you’re not like the rest. i never have to worry about you like you would have to with any other guy. everyone says i always just give you too much credit because i like you and stuff but really, i think you’re special and i think you have a good heart even if you could kill babies and i swear i could kill YOU for that, but that’s another story. you’re cold, you’re pretty harsh sometimes and you just shut all your feelings down. but one day you will spill your guts. and one day you will grow up and allow yourself to love someone. i know you don’t think i’m “the one” and you don’t want to marry me and crap like you used to and i also know that we’re 16 and really maybe haven’t even met “the one” yet. and i know everyone tells me that’s the craziest though ever and it will never happen. and i know that in reality we’ll probably go separate ways and never even talk anymore. but i try not to think of that, because whether you do or not, i will always always remember you and i always want to know you. and it’s like, i have no idea what the future holds and i have no freaking idea how i got into all this crap or if i’m even going to post it. lolol. but uhm, yeah - i totally lost the point there. shoot. all that was to make you understand why you mean so much to me and why things bother me so much i guess? whatever. you’ll never read this. so it’s safe. you’re also the only one i gave it to. and no one else really knows who i’m talking about. yanno, unless someone from school finds this. then they’re going to think i’m psycho. oh well, i’m sure plenty of people already do. really this should be an xanga post but i’m just going to leave it. hahahha. i should really write novels for a living. oh, and i also hate having to wonder if i can trust you. like when you hang out with other people, wondering if you’re talking about me or making fun of me or telling stuff i’ve said. insecurities, hopefully i’ll find someone, somewhere to love them someday. haha. like would you even care if my bracelet completely broke? is it bad that i could go on for days and days more. gosh, the simplest little nothings mean so much to me. i am so sentimental. but, i’m not hard to make very happy because of that. i’m simple. take me to swing and look at the stars and remember my favorites and you’ve got my heart. lol. gosh, i really can’t imagine how my life would be right now if things would have been worse that day. that feeling i got was so scary. when i saw you, i saw you TOTALLY differently. ALL that i wanted to do was kiss your forehead because you looked so beautiful to me. greasy hair, tubes and all. and so helpless. i think that’s when things started to change for me. that’s when i really figured out what you meant to me and i know you get tired of hearing about it, but i don’t think you realize how blessed that you really are. i don’t think you really realize how much that i love you, even if i tell you constantly. i look at you like you’re the most wonderful, the most beautiful, the cutest dimples, prettiest smile hair, style - everything. you look at me and see nothing special. yeah you can sing, so and so is better. yeah you have pretty eyes, so and so’s are prettier. yeah i like your make up. so and so does it better. it looks like hers. yeah you’re losing weight, you need to eat and gain it back. like, i dunno. i feel like i suck. being this age sucks. high school sucks. you suck sometimes. growing up sucks. being sick sucks. being cold sucks. and, and, and (i really need to post this so i quit thinking of things to add to it) i don’t understand how one day you’re all “you’re just hurting yourself, you’re the one who’s not going to have kids” and two days later you’re talking about wanting to be with someone else? and and and and i don’t understand how you wanna cuddle and hold hands and stuff one day, and you love me so much. no actually, one minute - then the next you flip out if i touch your arm? you’re not affectionate i get it, but when you like someone (like you say and occasionally act like you do) you wanna love on them and show them? and yanno, ya do sometimes. but it’s at your convenience and when yanno, no one can ever find out? ashamed much? or i dunno, i don’t get you. it’s like you don’t believe in love. one day you will. even if you don’t fall in love with me, and i go on and fall in love with someone else, i want you to find it so you can understand. and be happy. i really do. i really wanna cuddle you though. you’re like a big teddy bear and i still remember more than any other time when we were all snuggled up on your couch and some crap about alligators or something was on, but we just layed there and you just pulled me so close its like, i could feel your heart beat and i felt like you cared so much and just didn’t want to let me go and idk, it was just an amazing feeling. your heartbeat. and everytime i think about it i think about you telling me how you saw on tv something about people’s hearts beating in sync and it meaning they were soul mates. and you get so excited at little things like that and scream like a little girl and it’s just so cute dude. you don’t even understand. i would give ANYTHING for you to see yourself through my eyes. yanno, i could have said to see myself through your eyes, to see how you look at me, but no - i want you to see what amazingness i do everytime i look at you even if i’m mad as hell and swearing that i hate your guts. khsfguszhuehsgugw. clinched fists. gritted teeth. i could just hug you all day. just hold your hand and pet you and see how pretty you look when you sleep and bite you. bite your lips and give you eskimo kisses. nothing else. i would be more than happy to just lay there with you watching movies all day just knowing that you’re there. and you could be somewhere else, but you’re not. you’re just laying there with me. sdkniuwaehg. i really have to be done now. haha.