you ever want to just…..

go far far away for a while so everyone will miss you and want to hang out with you when you get back because they realized how much that they really loved you while you were gone? gosh, i would love to do that. not to mention to get away from the people around here for a while. some of them, anyways.

so anywho, why is it always so so difficult for me to wake up after a nap, and why am i not driving yet? i’m dumb. :|

sometimes naps make me feel better, but sometimes i wake up from them even worse than before. it just masks all my frustrations then i have some stupid dream and they all come back. it’s miserable thinking and worrying and caring as much as i do. miserable and exhausting constantly wondering about everything and questioning how everyone feels for you. needing constant assurance. it’s annoying to even myself. no wonder people distance themselves from me. i don’t blame them. i more than likely don’t like them anyway. lol.

i love my mommie for listening to me for about a solid hour rant about everyone on God’s green earth today. hahaha. my feet are asleep.  “/

No matter how busy a person is, if they want to make time for you, there will be time made. So “I’m too busy” means you aren’t worth it to them.

The only city whose name can be spelled completely with vowels is Aiea, Hawaii, located approximately twelve miles west of Honolulu.

This was her life. Not the life she had once dreamed
of, not a life her younger self would ever have imagined
or desired, but the life she was living, with all its
complexities. This was her life, built with care and attention,
and it was good.

No matter how thick-skinned we try to be
There’s millions of electrified nerve endings in there;
Open and exposed and feeling way too much
Try as we might to keep from feeling pain
Sometimes it’s just unavoidable
Sometimes, that’s the only thing left; just feeling

She’s afraid that after all this waiting,
he’ll end up with another girl.
She’s afraid of what hasn’t happened yet.
And most of all,
she’s afraid she’ll never find someone who could compare to him.

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that
That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years
Or just not exist. not die, not commit suicide or be dead,  just not be aware that you exist
just exist unrecognized for a while and watch the world around you
Or something like that
I think wanting that is very morbid
But I want it when I get like this
That’s why I’m trying not to think
I just want it all to stop spinning

You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy people you love.
- Grey’s Anatomy. - i kind of really wish that i watched that show. good quotes from there.

when you love someone, you’ll do anything for them.
and even when you hate them, you’ll still do anything.

i’m afraid he’d think I was insane if he knew all I
wanted to do is hold his hand for the rest of my life.

Girls aren’t going to talk to you first. It’s a girl thing. We don’t like starting the conversation because we like to feel like you want to talk to us. We like to feel like the wait was worth something. We like feeling like you’ve waited for us like we’ve waited for you. But the number one reason we hate talking first is because we hate to seem needy or clingy. That’s why we’re scared. Cause to us, being needy and obsessive just pushes guys away. And no girl wants that.

if you’re reading this, then you’re obviously bored, and if you’re bored, you should really go back forever ago and read the longest post on here. and a few of the others. they’re actually good. well, some of them are. parts. lol. funny thing is, i can read them and not even remember ever wrting all that. i just get into my little moods and trance kinda things and i just… go. but anyways, i love you.

i reallllllllly want this ring. buy it for me and i’d love you, now and forever.

Love and death are two uninvited guests. Nobody
knows when they come, but both do the same work.
One takes the heart, and the other takes its beat.

just tell me that you think i’m prettier than her and that i mean more to you. that’s all i need.

Dear Google and Facebook,
I’m invited to the verb party… right?
Sincerely, Photoshop.

And ultimately, he’s going to find out. How you chew, how you sip, how you dance, how you smell at every point in the day. The fact that most of your friends are shallow. That you hate sitting in science class, the middle seat. How you love chocolate, how you can be hyper at times, how certain games and shows make you really happy. How cranky you get when you PMS or when you’re tired, how you think you look bad in all your photos on facebook. He’s going to know everything about you. And you know what? He’s still going to love you.

Sorry is like a band-aid. Just because you use it, doesn’t mean it’s gonna heal the wound.

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

i’m scared of the future. i’m scared of growing up &failing at my life. i’m scared of being old &alone. i’m scared i’m never going to find someone who actually loves me.

chances are like lightning, they never hit the earth at the same spot twice. so when a chance comes your way, grab it cause it may never come again.

It’s funny when you finally get over someone. You start seeing them in a whole new perspective. It’s like you’re looking at them through the eyes of your best friend, and you realize he’s nothing special. He’s just another ordinary boy.

well fuck prom…

and everyone and everything that has to do with it

….anddddd that’s all i have to say about that.

i really really really miss my dad.

it’s harder. i can talk about it without even whimpering and i feel so cold, but my heart literally hurts and all i want is for him to be here to hug me. like you really have no idea. no one really has any idea at all. this is one hurt that i can’t even describe and it will never go away and he’ll never come back and i need him. i’m still just a kid.

and i realized while trying on dresses today with my absolutely gorgeous best friend that being a size 0 means absolutely nothing but i can’t even stop losing weight. i’m not even doing it on purpose.

i also realized that i am not happy with myself at all.

i mean,  i hate my body.
i hate my stomach.
i hate all my stretch marks.
i hate my bruises cause i get them if you just touch me.
i hate my hair and how it does what it wants no matter what.
i hate that my make-up looks like pure shit at the end of the day and no one even bothers to tell me.
i hate my bottom teeth.
i hate how pale and sensitive my skin is.
i hate my hair color.
i hate that i can only sing in a certain range and can’t go high at all.
i hate how big my nose is.
i hate my toenails.
i hate my back.
i hate my clothes and how i don’t even fit into them.
i hate how my hair gets tatty stringy and greasy in a matter of hours.
i hate how my face stays broken out looking and so uneven on one side.
i hate that i have two different ears.
i hate that my eyes never look the same.
i hate that i always use too much nail polish and get it everywhere.
i hate my eyebrows and how they grow overnight.
i hate my peach fuzz blonde mustache on my face.
i hate that my wrists are too small to wear normal sized bracelets.
i hate how hairy my arms are, and i am in general.
i hate how jealous i am and how easily i let things get to me.
i hate that i bore everyone with my problems when they have problems of their own.
i hate how easily i open up to everyone.
i hate how people are so fake.
i hate high school period.
i hate that my boobs shrunk and there’s not a bra that’s really my perfect size.
i hate that i have no butt whatsoever.
i hate that i can never put together outfits and look super cute.
i hate that my hair won’t curl, or do anything but lay flat to my head, for that matter.
i hate how teeny tiny small my lips are.
people think being skinny is so fun and its not. you’re just bony and then what meat you do have is all flabby. and then you can’t be fat cause then people are all on your to be skinny, then when you’re skinny they’re all on your for not eating when you clearly do. it’s like no matter what i do look like or say i can never win, so why even try.
there’s just about nothing about myself that i wouldn’t change. my eyes, maybe. and that’s about all. everything else i would love to change or rearrange or get rid of. i seriously can’t find beauty in myself by the end of the day and i can’t stand to look at myself and that’s just sad. it’s like i’m stuck in a body that i don’t even want but i have to make due. i guess you’re never really satisfied with yourself though, so whatever. what can ya do?

anyway, i’m so sleepy and i have homework. i took me a cat nap though a little earlier by accident. butttttt i just needed to vent a little i guess. and here’s about the only place that i could openly vent without getting fed some bullshit about how wonderful i am when i know they’re just saying it out of pity, or get shrunk and almost put into therapy or something, or would care i guess. i mean, clearly you can’t care since you’re like a website, but it’s better to bother an empty box with my problems and insecurities than someone who doesn’t care, want to hear it, or know what to say, i guess. i need to quit being annoying and talking so much. i never ever shut up. i ruin everything and over think and over analyze and worry about everything until i make it non enjoyable. i dunno, i’m a screw up some days. and some days other people are too. dicks.

this world is so full of cold hearted fake immature people who just don’t care and find humor in other people’s pain and insecurities and it’s sickening. it blesses my soul to find someone who truly does. one of those people that you just know really wants you to be happy. that’s nice. there should be more of those people around.

i smell good. i need to make myself eat more but i feel like i have heartburn and i’ve been kinda sick to my stomach and shaky all day. i really hate school more every single day that i enter the building and i become increasingly annoyed with the people and teachers in it as well. it’s just terrible. the same old thing every single day. having to dread each class that you don’t understand and fail because you really have no other choice. i can’t understand chemistry and pre calculus even if i try. and the fact that everyone has just decided to stop talking to me and that they don’t need me in their lives, well - that’s cool too. i don’t need you either. makes me easier to lose all of you so whatever. and yes, it’s bound to happen. i’ve come to the conclusion that eventually you will lose everyone. like everyone you love and think will never leave you will and then new come and i’ll get too attached to them and then they’ll leave too and it’s a viscous cycle and it’s sad, but it’s a part of life so what can you do. blah. just one of those mondays.

oh, and did i mention that i miss my dad?

she’s so naturally pretty and so is that place. salty.

I took one big step and I looked away and then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say. I’m always too late, you never got your story straight. I’m always up late, I think I’m everything you hate.

he’s blind. and he is absolutely beautiful to me.

Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.
Please wear the face, the one where you smile,
Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry.

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head I’m the only one in love

You shower me with words made of knives

Sometimes not even the truth can change your mind when someone can mean so much to you.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

would you wait if i wrote you a perfect song tonight?
to make your heart stand still & make your chest grow tight
but i’ll never write a perfect line
& i don’t know why i even waste my time & try
& for the longest time, i couldn’t love her to save my life

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

oh pandora, you always know just what to play.

each little teeny thing you do means so much to me. and i remember it all.
i love you.

Sooner or later, friends who you thought would be around forever
will end up taking different paths in life.
But no matter where you go,
you’ll take a piece of each one with you

All she really wants if for you to finally get the nerve to
say how you really feel about  her. That way, when you look
at her, she’s not still second guessing what you really mean.

A soul never thinks without a picture.

As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change… I will always keep falling in love with you.

“The couple that fights the most is the one most in love… it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring.”

You know that feeling of waiting for someone? I mean, really waiting for someone - standing in front of a restaurant in the cold and having hundreds of people pass you on the sidewalk. And you don’t want to do anything else, because you’re afraid you might miss something - that somehow, if you don’t spot him right away, he’ll walk right by. So you
stand there and you don’t do anything except think about how you’re standing there. Occasionally you might look at your watch, or check your cell phone to see if it’s on silent, even though you already checked for that a minute ago. That’s what this is starting to feel like.

i’m excited for summer

She wouldn’t care if you called her and woke her up just to talk at two in the morning. She loves arguing, and she’s good at it. Scary movies make her paranoid and she hates when people don’t call her back. She envies every couple she sees walking around and showing their happiness. She only wants to be happy and lately, all she thinks about is you.

If you really knew me… you would know that I don’t usually cry because things are sad.
I cry because things are beautiful. I cry because such beauty is
possible and it’s overwhelming. I cry because I don’t see it every
day, and I should. I want to be a part of that beauty; I want to
inspire someone to tears with my own brand of beauty. With other
people, I think this is possible. If we all contributed, if we all add
a little hope and faith and love into the world with our acts, maybe
we can help someone else see the beauty in life, too. Because our
actions are powerful and positive actions are power at it’s purest point.

You missed out on the girl who loves you. The one that doesn’t care about your imperfections. The girl that sees only the good in you. The one that supports you in everything that you do, even if they’re stupid. Sure, she’s not perfect, but she’s not afraid of being herself. And you know why you missed out on her? Because you’re too blind to notice what’s right in front of you

snow.

it’s pretty - but wayyy too cold, and traps me in the house, and makes everything muddy, and every status that you see is about it.

really?

i’m gonna color.

Cause that’s what life’s about. It’s about the times where you lay in the grass next to someone you love. It’s about the color of the sky, it’s about a roaring fire on a winter eve. Everybody hurts, everybody bleeds. Everyone laughs & smiles & loves. & that’s all that it is. There’s no meaning of life, it’s nothing that can be defined. It’s a matter of writing your own definition.

i believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn’t matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.

In every girl’s life there will always be that one guy; he’s the one who hurt you a countless amount of times, he probably caused you the most pain in your life, and he probably treated you the worst out of all the guys yet he’s the one you will fall the hardest for because with those bad times, and with the pain, he will then treat you the best and will always keep you coming back for more regardless of the pain he ever caused in the first place

:) holding hands is my favorite. i’m completely satisfied with just that.

The Chinese use two brush strokes to
write the word “crisis”. One brush
stroke stands for danger; the other for
opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the
danger - but recognize the opportunity.
- john f. kennedy

Support music everyday, because there isn’t a day music won’t be there to support you.
- Hayley Williams.

I’m still hoping one day I might hear you say that I make you feel a way you’ve never felt
before. And I’m all you need and that you never want more. And we’ll say all of the right
things without a clue. And you’ll be the one for me and me the one for you.

You put your arm around my waist and pulled me closer
and it didn’t feel weird or crossing any lines. It made sense, it just felt right.

I believe in sleeping in. I believe in giving 100% when you only have 80%. I believe in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in kisses on the forehead. I believe in smiling until your cheeks hurt. I believe that you can have just as much fun sober. I believe in taking chances and making mistakes. I believe in having someone tell you that you’re beautiful. I believe in swinging on swings and running in the rain. I believe in miracles and random acts of kindness. I believe in saying hello to anyone and everyone. I believe in second chances. I believe that everyone’s lucky to be alive.

Here’s to the kids that will never have 100% confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that.